My Confession: Never Gone....nor in seconds! My Sweet November

I first saw him in July or August 2006, when I was in Jogja working on my Master Graduate program. He was tall, big, and handsome. His skin was white, his smile was CUTE! and his eyes were manipulating.

I was browsing internet in an internet cafe, located beside my campus. And he was in charge to look after the cafe. (Later he told me that it was his brother-in-law who owned the cafe).

My heart was beating so fast when I saw him. Goosh..he was so d**n handsome! He was! My heart ordered my mind that, I had to know him with any way. So one evening, I went there with my friend Sonya after telling her that I had a crush on that internet cafe guy. 

What did happen? We introduced ourselves (surely after I used the internet there..lol..) Well, I was sure and confident enough to admit that I went there several times before knowing him, and at that time he always paid attention to my presence (:-))

I spent the Lebaran Festive Holiday with thinking him...ALL THE TIME! My heart beat so fast. When I recalled those memories today, I felt like a high school girl having a crush on a guy for the first time. 

The crazy ideas came through my mind. I wanted to show my friends and a guy in my campus that never paid any attention to me, that now I had a very handsome boyfriend. So, one evening, I asked him to go with me on a Small Gathering Dinner at my friend Wendy's house. My reason was, I wanted to show Mr. O (that never-paid-attention guy) that I could get anyone better than him. He said yes. (Oh, his name is W***u B***s, by the way). He was two years younger than me,  exactly the same age as my young brother.

My friends were so surprised. Helen the very-ordinary-look girl now bringing her handsome bf? And I was smiling with big winning smile the whole evening!

After that crazy evening, I thought of another way to ask him out. So, I asked him for dinner and seeing midnight movie. He said yes. 

Our dinner were sushi. I kinda hated that food now that it always makes me remind of him. We didn't see any movie that night, so we chatted a little about our lives. He drove me to my friend Ocha's apartment cos I wanted to stay a night there. I had been so in love after that romantic evening.

I spent the next days by getting close to him. I would step by to his cafe only to see and talk to him. We had some lunches. He would step by to my boarding house, and we would walk to our favorite "warung", only to have some fried noodles and iced capuccinos. I was crazy about him.

I remembered that it was November. I was probably the happiest girl on earth the whole November. My friends said that I looked so fresh, and happy (yup, you are more beautiful than ever when you are in love, dear :-)). I believed that he would be my bf. 

I couldn't stand it anymore. Now we were very close for a month and he never asked me to be his gf. So one evening, I asked him about our relationship. I didn't want to be only this way. I wanted him to make a clear statement that he wanted to be with me, always. 

Sadly, he told me that our relationship would only be this way, no more, but no less (?) 

I was shocked. It was something that I haven't predicted before. I was sad. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I went back to my boarding house, spending the whole night by staring at the wall with an empty look. (Yes, I did, bratha and sista!) I was too much in love to realize the facts. I tried to understand his statement, word by word, and sentence by sentence.

My heart was broken. .....so..so..so SAD!

I tried to forget him after that. I continued my life. I told friends that we broke up. I tried to concentrate on my assignments and thesis. Once he ever asked me who the guy walking with me after class. But that's it. That was only it. Then, I graduated, moved out, and leaving the city.

We contacted each other once. After that, I removed him from my friendster list. Once I added him as a friend in facebook, but I removed him later. I just didn't want to remember any piece of the memory of him. I even hated him.

Yet, I still have a slight thinking of him. I often wonder, where he is now, what he does, and whether he is married or not. Honestly, I couldn't forget him. I cried, though, the days after we "separated". I hated for being so deep.

Sometimes I think, maybe I was too demanding to him. Maybe he had some feeling for me, but what I did made him lost his feeling. 

Whatever...he was my past. I just want to write this out. Just want to recall my Sweet November, the happiest month ever in my life. I'll find someone that I love, get marry, have children, get old, but I think I'll still remember our time. It will never go, nor in seconds.

That's my confession. Pfiuhhh...I'm so relieved..:-)