Gosh I Love My Body!

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I always have problem with weight. I do. I was chubby back then. I was always chubby in my childhood. Before the chubby childhood, I was a chubby baby, with the balloon cheek. Looking at my old pictures sometimes, and comparing to what I am now...mmm...the baby fat seems it doesn't want to go away from my body.
Why others seem don't have problem with losing baby fat? Well it became worst when, after being a fat baby, I was raised as a child who enjoyed food so much. I remember the times when I was in elementary, my favorite drink was a glass of syrup or full cream milk, everyday. I always loved sweet stuffs. Cakes, biscuits. And I ate rice with all it took for more than three times a day. I was hungry all the time. Yes.. my friends called me "Helen the Fat Little Girl"
My first yo-yo weight problem happened unaccidentally when I was in Junior High. I was very active, joining almost all extra activities outside class hours. I forgot food for a while. And...I was slim...for a while....
Then, here it came. It came back. Yes, my weight gained almost twice when in High School. Food became obsession. I ate without thinking what I was eating.
I always did some diet, but without any conscious. I mean, after reducing some food, I would have them all back in me. So the yo-yo moved  ...
When I was doing my final thesis in English Literature Bachelor Graduate Program, I decided that I did not want to be fat girl anymore. I wanted to lose weight...Yes, I did. I was bored with the fats clinging on my body. I just wanted to be able to wear those tight jeans, tiny T-shirts, just like my slim friends...

And so I did it. I made my own diet plan. I would eat only 2 slices bread with thin fruit jam and a glass of non fat milk in the morning. Then I'd have rice, veggies, and proteins as my lunch. My dinner would be just fruits or non fat milk. No snacking. No cheating. And ....exercise was a must...EVERYDAY. So...can you imagine, this lazy bitch would move her body EVERYDAY?
I was very discipline. Gosh..it was very tough..and tight. In the first month of dieting, I lost 6 pounds (3 kilograms). I was excited. It worked! So I continued...In the second month I didn't lose any. Hufft..I almost went into despair. But I continued...Then, hooray...the third month I lost more 6 pounds. My friends now complimented that I was slimmer. I was happy.
However, I got bored with dieting. Simply because I could no longer enjoy foods that I love. So, in the fourth month, I quit. Yup, I quit from dieting.
I ate whatever I wanted, after that. And my weight slowly came back. I was sad. Why dieting had to be hard for me? I mean, I never ate like crazy people. I ate veggies. I ate fruits. I never ate in the middle of the night or in the bed time.

Years later, I tried and quit some diet program, including those expensive products. Yes it worked for a while. However, because I limited the food that I ate, I would crave for more.

Me and My Little Brother, Circa 1990-1991
After all those struggles with weight, now I am trying to make peace with myself. Now, in the age of upcoming 28 (in October this year), I learn to love my body. Yes, I still have my stomach fat, cellulites...but instead of hating it, I learn how to reduce it by the right foods. Now, instead of being obsessed to lose weight, I learn how to live in healthy way. I choose what I eat and drink now. I exercise three times a week. I manage hunger. Yes, I still want to be slim, but in a healthy and comfortable way. 

Gosh, I love my body!

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